6 Biggest Mistakes When Hiring a Divorce Attorney for a Custody Case
Apr 16, 2026You are out here letting a Facebook comment section pick the person who is supposed to fight for your kids and you do not even see the problem with that.
This episode is one I needed to make because it is coming up constantly with my clients in real time. People are walking into attorney consultations completely unprepared, hiring the wrong person for all the wrong reasons, and then wondering why their case is falling apart. I have been there. Multiple wrong attorneys, years of my life, and more money than I want to think about. I am not letting you make the same mistakes I did.
In this episode I break down the 6 biggest mistakes people make when hiring a divorce attorney for a custody case. We are talking about crowdsourcing your most important legal decision on social media, hiring your friend's attorney without doing any due diligence, picking someone who dabbles in family law instead of living it, only interviewing one attorney and calling it research, hiring a personality instead of a strategy, and waiting until you are already in full blown crisis mode before you hire anyone. Every single one of these mistakes has a cost and that cost usually shows up in your parenting time and your bank account.
I also walk you through 3 of the 7 questions you need to bring into every single attorney consultation before you sign anything or hand over a retainer. The full list of 7 plus a detailed breakdown of every mistake is inside the newsletter. If you are not subscribed yet, fix that today.
The attorney you hire is not your friend. They are not your therapist. They are the person standing between you and losing time with your kids. You need to walk into that consultation room prepared, clear on what you want, and ready to interview them just as hard as they are pitching you. Hire accordingly.
Here’s What You Can Actually Take Away:
- Stop the Social Media Search. Posting in Facebook groups for attorney recommendations is one of the fastest ways to end up with bad advice from people who know nothing about your specific situation.
- Your Friend's Attorney Is Not Your Attorney. No two divorce cases are the same, and the attorney who crushed it for your friend might completely fail you if your cases don't match.
- Family Law Only, Period. You want an attorney who specializes exclusively in family law, not someone who handles estates on Monday and custody on Wednesday.
- Interview More Than One. Comparing at least two to three attorneys gives you perspective, leverage, and the ability to make an informed decision instead of an emotional one.
- Strategy Beats Personality Every Time. Feeling comfortable with your attorney is nice. Having an attorney who can strategically dismantle the other side in court is what actually wins your case.
- Hire Before the Crisis Hits. Waiting until you're in panic mode means you hire fast and wrong. Get ahead of it while you still have the bandwidth to make a smart decision.
- Be the Calm One. Your kid is going to remember which parent made the phone a whole dramatic thing and which parent just said, take it wherever you go, I trust you.
The Truth Bombs
- "This is not your bestie. This is not your therapist. This is your attorney. You are hiring a strategy, not a friendship."
- "Any attorney who sits across from you and tells you they can win your case before they even know who you're divorcing is blowing smoke and wants your retainer check."
- "I got completely bamboozled by marble floors and Dove chocolates. Aesthetics are not a strategy."
- "My last attorney and I did not like each other. But she made my ex fall apart in court, and that is exactly what I needed her for."
- "Stop posting in Facebook groups asking for attorney recommendations. You have no idea who is sitting in that comment section."
- "Standard parenting plans are written like two people from the 1950s who still live next door and are best friends. Nobody is best friends. Account for that."
- "You walk in emotional, scared, and worried. An attorney makes you feel safe. Great. A therapist can do that too. What you need is someone who will go to war."
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Samantha Boss: When I was thinking of how to pick the next subjects for an episode, this one was just something that was real in real time with a lot of my clients. It is a big question of how do I make sure I hire the right divorce attorney? And it usually starts with asking friends and family. But here is the first mistake that I see a lot of people making.
Stop Letting the Wrong People Pick Your Attorney
They ask social media for recommendations on their divorce. They literally type into some group, community chat room or Facebook page and they say who knows a good divorce attorney. And then you get the spectrum of people responding. What people need to remember when they post something so broad like that is what ends up happening is you have high conflict people answering that question. You have people that had amicable divorces answering that question. You have people that use their brother answering that question and so you are really not filtering who you should be.
Not to mention, here is just my own two cents when I see someone post that question. Are you just wanting empathy? Are you just wanting to be seen? Are you just wanting the whole community to know your situation? Because most of us that go through divorce, we are not out there to put a poster out saying hey my life is about ready to turn into a complete firestorm and I want the whole world to know. Most people are kind of private about their divorce.
This is a big problem when we are using social media for our recommendations when we do not know exactly who is in the comment section giving us their answers. So please avoid doing that. We are not going to social media for our recommendations.
Your friend went through a divorce and out of nowhere you are going through a divorce and you are like hey did you like your attorney? Sure. I loved my attorney. My attorney was so good, kept the cost down and got me divorced really fast. And I hear that not knowing anything about divorce and I think perfect, I want to hire that person.
Did your friend have the same kind of divorce that you are going to have? Is that attorney a good fit for you and your case? Your case may look completely different than your friend's. I know what somebody is thinking. Yeah but we have the same age children, we are in the same community, it will work. No it will not. Because unless you and your best friend have the same jobs, the same personality, the same financial background, and your exes have the same similar jobs, the same financial background, and the same personalities, this will not work.
Do not use the same attorney your friend recommended or your brother recommended or a coworker recommended until you do due diligence. It is best to choose an attorney for your type of situation. You are looking for experience in custody disputes and high conflict. Most likely if you are following me that is the kind of attorney you are going to be needing and that might not be your best friend's attorney.
Family Law Only. Not Family Law on the Side.
If you are in a small town like I was, a lot of attorneys dabble in civil stuff and a little bit of criminal and family and estates and they are a lawyer in a lot of things. They did not just zero in on family law. I have a problem with this because I want somebody to have gone to school for family law and really honed in on it and knows everything they possibly can because my future depends on their knowledge base. Are they able to articulate and bring up case law and know exactly what they are talking about in family law? I do not want somebody that knows wills in the back of their mind, has estates memorized, knows criminal statutes, and family law is something they just dabble in.
My very first attorney was an estate attorney. I knew him. He was one of my classmates' fathers and I thought he will help me out, he will keep the cost down. He said oh yeah I have helped with a lot of divorces but I do estates, this will be over in six weeks. Years later, hundreds of thousands of dollars, and more attorneys later, he was not the best guy to start my case off. He had me agree to 50/50 right from the get go so I would look good. He knew nothing about family law and I again used a recommendation from a friend, thought I could cut corners because I knew nothing about divorce. I was not educated about it. I chose wrong. Learn from that mistake.
You Got Bamboozled and You Did Not Even See It Coming
You think because you walk in like I did on my second attorney, I walked in to marble floors, countertops, Dove chocolates in the bathroom. It was so beautiful. Front desk person, paralegal over here, I got escorted to her office. Her office was just beautiful and she had these huge high heels, shoulder pads, monogrammed folders and I thought well this is way better than the back office I was in with the estate guy that had folders everywhere and he was a one man show. So I got bamboozled by appearance and just this one attorney. I interviewed just her hook line and sinker. She told me I had a slam dunk of a case. We would be in and out of there. Spoiler alert. She did not deliver on that.
You spending $250, $350 on three different attorneys to get input and figure out which out of the three is best, you are money ahead versus if you go to that one attorney, interview that one attorney, and pick them and they are not the best fit for your case. Your best bet is to interview at least two or three to compare their approaches especially to custody. Especially if you have been following me long enough that you know you are going to take in your drafted parenting plan to that very first consultation and put it on the table and say hey this is my idea, this is how educated I am about what I am getting, what can you bring to the table. And then you let them speak.
You Hired a Personality. Your Ex Hired a Fighter.
I have a lot of you going into this very first consultation with your attorney and you are in your feelings, you are in your emotions, you are triggered, you are bothered, you are upset. You are worried about your kids. You are worried about your future. You are worried about your finances. And so when you walk in and you feel this big comfort level of oh I get along so well with this attorney, this attorney made me feel safe, this attorney was really nice. That is great for you. I love that for you. But a divorce coach and a therapist can make you feel that exact same way. What you need is somebody in your case that can strategically beat the other opponent, your ex and their attorney.
This is not your friend. This is not your bestie. This is not your therapist. This is your attorney. You do not have to be best friends. My final attorney was a go getter and her and I did not mix a lot of times. We were too much alike. We were both headstrong females. We were both just like in your face. We were both very mouthy. We were both very witty and so we tangled a lot. What was beneficial to me by picking her was she also tangled a lot with my ex and his attorneys. Her and I were not besties getting along but her and my ex, that was a battle to watch and she could get him frustrated. I hired her to do a job and she did said job. She got things done. My case specifically needed somebody that was a fireball in court that could think on her feet, that could adjust, that could pivot. That is who I needed.
Be mindful that you are not in your feelings when you hire somebody. I recommend if you are in your feelings, have the person that has your best interest go with you to those consultations. For me that would have been my dad. My dad could have gone and been like nope we are not buying this because he was not in his feelings, he was in protective mode. This is a business deal. This is transactional. I went into it solo thinking I knew what I was doing and I had a lot of shame and guilt. That is not this. This is where you have to get the right people on your team to help you with this process.
Get Educated Before You Get Desperate
The last thing is waiting until you are full blown in crisis to hire your attorney. Big mistake. You wait too long until there are deadlines or there is an emergency and you are in panic mode and you are in reaction mode and all you do is hire quickly and you do not do any of the things that I am coaching you to do and then you have huge regret later.
If you are listening to this and you are thinking about divorce, first and foremost go get an education. Learn about divorce first because every divorce with children will end with a parenting plan and a financial affidavit. I am here to help you understand what a parenting plan is so that when you go in and you talk to your attorney you know all the lingo. You know what you are fighting for. You know what you are going after. You know what you want. If you are going into that right at crisis you are going to be spiraling, you are going to be panicking, and they are going to say all the right things to you right then and there and you are going to hire them. Then you get there and they do not represent you well because they do not understand your type of case.
You always want to be ahead of the game. Get an education, get some ideas about your parenting plan, and then go interview your attorney. You are the one that knows your future. You are the one that knows your kids. You are the one that knows your ex. You are the one that should know your finances. So if you know those things why is the person across the table telling you about your case? You have to be able to bring all of that information to them in that very first consultation so they know exactly what the goal is.
So many of you walk into an attorney consultation and you say I want a divorce. Okay well have you thought about it? No I just want a divorce. That is as far as I have gotten and I was told I was supposed to hire an attorney and that is it. Well then you are spending the next 45 minutes listening to their ideas about your future, your kids, and your ex. But they do not know anything about those people or those thoughts. We have to reverse engineer this.
Get your education. Get off of social media. Stop asking your friends. Make sure they are in family law only. Make sure you interview more than one person. Make sure you are not in love with this lawyer but that they are a good fit for your case. And make sure that you hire as soon as you can. Do not wait until a pressure cooker situation and think you are going to be able to pull yourself out of that one.
A Team Dklutr Production
