The Hidden Costs of Co-Parenting Nobody Talks About
Mar 05, 2026
Child support doesn't cover shit. Let's talk about it.
If you're paying it, this might sting. If you're receiving it and drowning in extras, you're about to feel validated.
Here's the truth: Child support is a reimbursement for day-to-day expenses - mortgage, utilities, food, clothes. That's IT. It doesn't cover the expenses that cause the biggest fights:
- Extracurriculars - Sports fees, equipment, travel, lessons, camps. I spent $23K on volleyball, $12K on cheer, $8K on softball. ALL out of pocket because fighting about it every month wasn't worth my sanity.
- Medical Costs - Copays, deductibles, prescriptions, and the big one: BRACES. One parent says necessary, the other says cosmetic. Meanwhile your kid won't smile in photos.
- Educational Expenses - School supplies, tech fees, field trips, college applications at $75-250 each. Public school isn't even free everywhere.
Here's what pisses me off: When people say "just give me the child more and I'll pay for it." That's not about what the kid needs. That's about WINNING.
Real talk? People who complain about costs have never been in the trenches with all the little $4 here, $20 there expenses. They've never bought team snacks 47 times or replaced socks monthly. One parent has been handling ALL of that while the other's been oblivious. Now that oblivious person is telling YOU you're spending too much.
What you actually need: Get specific financial details in your parenting plan NOW. Who pays what, when, how much. Make it clear enough to prove contempt if they don't pay - simple math, either the money's there or it's not.
If it's not in writing, you'll either fight forever or pay for everything yourself.
Sometimes paying for it yourself IS the answer in high-conflict situations. But stop bitching they won't pay. They've shown you who they are. Move on and solve the problem - side hustles, family help, sponsorships. Figure it out so your kids don't miss opportunities while you complain.
Don't put your money stress on your kids. They shouldn't tiptoe around asking for things.
Reality check: Kids only get MORE expensive. Daycare seems pricey? Wait till high school with $100 sweatshirts, $200 shoes, $1,500 phones, cars, insurance, prom, braces.
Bottom line: Your parenting plan needs financial details that protect you. Child support could stop tomorrow. Get it in writing now - who pays for extracurriculars, medical, education. Make it enforceable.
Don't let a lawyer tell you "child support covers everything." Get it in writing or get ready to pay for it all yourself.
Here’s What You Can Actually Take Away:
- Child Support Is a Reimbursement, Not a Complete Solution - It covers day-to-day living expenses already spent - mortgage, utilities, food, clothes. It's not designed to cover every expense that pops up, and anyone telling you otherwise has never actually raised a kid solo.
- Extracurriculars Can Cost Thousands Annually - Travel sports, lessons, equipment, and camps add up FAST - I'm talking $8K, $12K, $23K per year. If your parenting plan doesn't specify who pays, you'll either fight constantly or fund everything yourself while your ex claims "child support covers it."
- Your Parenting Plan Needs Specific Financial Details - Without clear language about who pays for what outside child support, you'll fight forever or pay for everything. Make it specific enough that contempt is provable with simple math - either the money's there or it's not.
- Medical Expenses Are a Massive Source of Conflict - Copays, deductibles, prescriptions, and the nuclear bomb of co-parenting finances: BRACES. Get crystal clear about how medical costs are split, what counts as necessary versus elective, and who makes final decisions.
- High-Conflict Situations Sometimes Require Paying for Shit Yourself - When money fights threaten your sanity, sometimes it's healthier to find alternative funding than battle over every expense. Find side hustles, ask family, get sponsorships - whatever keeps your kids in opportunities without constant warfare.
The Truth Bombs
- "People who complain about how much children cost have probably never been in the trenches seeing all those little $4 here and $20 there expenses that actually raise a kid."
- "Your parenting plan needs to work for your financial future, not just your visitation schedule."
- "Stop sitting around bitching that your ex won't pay. They've shown you who they are - now go find a solution so your kids don't miss out on opportunities."
- "If your parenting plan doesn't spell out who pays for braces, basketball shoes, and college applications, prepare to either fight about it forever or foot the entire bill yourself."
- "Child support might stop tomorrow if something happens to your ex. You better have a plan to live without it, but you better also have a plan that says they're required to help while they can."
- "When you're in high-conflict co-parenting and money is the root of your fights, sometimes paying for it yourself saves your sanity more than it costs your wallet."
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Samantha Boss: All right. This one will probably hit a nerve if you're the one paying child support. This one will feel a little bit of validation if you're the one receiving child support and you are the one that helps take care of the kids ins and outs pretty much on a daily basis. So we're gonna talk about child support not being the only thing money-wise that parents fight about because there's other expenses.
Now, let me break this down to you and put it in normal everyday people terms. When you get divorced, they're going to look at—again, this is no legal advice, this is just some common sense. It can be found anywhere on the Google, but this basically comes down to every state and country runs it differently, but they're looking at the visitation schedule and the earned income for each household. They're going to look at the earned income plus the visitation schedule. It comes out to an equation and one person will be awarded child support. Now, even if you do a 50/50 schedule visitation-wise, if your incomes are lopsided, child support can still be awarded. Again, this is not legal advice. This is just common information.
Here's What You Need to Hear: Child Support Doesn't Cover It All
What I want you to hear is—now this is gonna sting for some of you—child support does not cover it all. Now, as listeners, there could be people out there that are receiving $1,200 a month. There are more likely people out there that are receiving $12 a month, if not $0 a month of child support. And so when you're building a parenting plan, there is more to the financial obligation than just child support. And I will die on this hill.
As somebody that did receive child support, I got awarded $200 at the beginning of my journey as a co-parent. When I was freshly divorced, I just spent a hundred thousand dollars on my divorce and I got $200 a month in child support and he made easily double what I made. And that's just how the equation came out. And there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it because I didn't have any more money to go fight and argue about it. So I took what I took, right?
And so as we look at what $200 can do, we have to be thinking about that money is given to a different parent, the other parent, as a reimbursement for what they have already spent being the lesser income home or, and/or the parent that has more time with the children. AKA more responsibilities because they have more time, more resources are being used, hence more time, right? So this child support is essentially a reimbursement of what has already been expended.
The Biggest Money Fights: Extracurriculars, Education, and Medical
So let's dive in. I'm not here about the child support. I'm here for you to honestly consider and think about that there are expenses outside of child support that child support should not be covering. It should be an additional two. So we have child support sitting here on this little block over here in addition to plus sign extra expenses. So we have child support plus extra expenses.
So you're paying for child support every month, and there's gonna be a list of things that could be considered extra expenses that will be used. Okay. Or can be charged to the other parent. So let's dive in. And these are things again that like you think as one parent, it's common sense that we'll split the cost of this because it's outside of the home.
And this is another hill I will die on. Child support is for the home, whether it be for finances, for mortgage, utility insurance, gas, food, clothes, all the things. When there is an outside of the home expense, whether it be extracurricular education or medical, child support does not always cover that, and so it's an additional cost.
The Biggest Money Fight: Extracurricular Activities
So extracurricular activities will be the biggest thing that you will argue about money-wise. So this could be something that's written into your parenting plan, but it has to have specifics. Which I get into great detail about that in the masterclass, but today I just want you to be thinking about, let's say we do have our child play school sports at their elementary, junior high or high school.
Say they play the basketball game. Say they're in cheerleading. Say they do band. Who pays for that equipment? Who pays for that signup fee? Who pays for those tennis shoes? Who pays for the travel expenses when their team goes away for the weekend? Yes, that happens in high schools. Didn't happen in mine, but it happened in a friend of mine. Who pays for the lessons or the tutoring? Who pays for summer camps? And these are just extracurricular expenses. These are not getting into educational things, but extracurricular.
Let's talk about travel sports for a hot minute. A hot minute. We're not talking about a couple hundred dollars here. We're not talking about just a few bucks. We're talking about thousands upon thousands of dollars for the year, for 11 months, for eight months for maybe nine months. We're talking about one parent signing the child up and the parenting plan not mentioning that the other parent has to help. We're talking about signing the child up and it does say they have to help, but we don't have the funds to help.
These are all things to consider when building the parenting plan. How much money do you wanna spend on extracurriculars? How much money do you have to have your kid play a sport for 11 months out of the year? And are you able to pay for it yourself and not even include your ex as a requirement? And I'm gonna tell you just from my own personal experience, if you are in a high conflict journey as a co-parent, pay for it yourself. You'll be money and sanity ahead of the game.
All my children, both my bigs did extracurriculars. My son was a competitive cheerleader. My daughter did competitive softball and volleyball. Thousands—23,000, 12,000, 8,000. It was ungodly. I've paid for it. Why? Because I'm not gonna go to somebody that hates my guts and money is the root of all evil in our conversations and be like, "Hey, help me pay for this thing you don't believe in and don't wanna pay for," and then just get myself beat up every month that I went and asked for it. No, thank you, not doing that. I'll find a way myself through sponsorships and friends and family and volunteering and side jobs and hustles.
You can make it happen if it's truly what you wanna do, but to require an ex, a co-parent to help you, but it's not in your parenting plan, it gets muddy. It gets muddy. That's why those details need to be in there. If it's something you want to include or exclude, that's a real thing. Extra travel expenses will not be included. You have to be thinking about how does this parenting plan read for my financial obligation?
The next one: educational things. Really be thinking outside of the box. And I know for a lot of you, public education is free, but here's a news flash. Not every state has free public education. Look up Illinois. That's where I used to be from. They charge for public education. It's asinine. Plus taxes are out of the water. It's ridiculous.
But who pays for your kids to go to public school or private school? Is that a shared expense? Is child support covering that? What does your parenting plan say? After school care or before school care? Babysitters, school supplies, technology fees. The computer that your school requires you to have. Field trips, field days. Here's the one that'll really get you knocked in the nuts: college prep classes. Ugh. Applying to college, 150 bucks, 75 at minimum, 250 if it's a really pricey school. Who pays for that outside of child support?
Because I'm gonna tell you, for those of you that are getting peanuts, child support doesn't cover anything anyways. But now all of these things that I'm talking about are now your job. Make it make sense. Why is it only one parent's job to do that?
Right? So let's dive into some medical stuff, shall we? Who does pay the premium? Because that's usually connected and can be connected. Again, not legal advice, just some questions to be asking. It's usually connected to your premium, so you could get a discount on child support if you are covering the insurance. It's something to ask about.
But let's talk about uninsured costs. Let's talk about some copays. Let's talk about that deductible, shall we? HSA, how are we divvying this up? Am I just paying child support and that's it? And I don't have to pay any money towards that large deductible every year? Am I having to pay for those scripts that aren't covered? What about the ones that are, and they're still $35, but it's every month that my child needs it, so should I help pay for those things?
Again, I'm just trying to get you to think. I'm not saying there's a right or wrong here, but what I am saying is there better be some detail in that parenting plan about what you are required to help with and what you're not.
One of the biggest medical arguments of just an average kid who doesn't have health issues is braces. Who pays for braces? Because you got one team over here that says child support covers everything and there's no need for the braces. And then you got a parent over here that's like, they got two jacked up teeth that they're embarrassed about and let's cosmetically fix those teeth, but it's not medically necessary. So this parent's not obligated to help pay. It's just cosmetic.
Again, when you're in a high conflict situation and money is the root of all your fights, or majority of them, you are gonna figure out a way to pay for those braces on your own. You will, because you don't wanna keep coming over here and asking for it. You will figure it out because you'll figure out at some point asking for the $20 back or the hundred dollars back, or "Hey, could you, you know, remember it says you owe me for half of this"—you'll figure out that is insanity. And it's just easier to go figure out how to pay for everything yourself if you are dealing with high conflict.
Now your friends and family are gonna think you're nuts when they know that your ex isn't paying anymore, your ex is getting away with it, and you're like, "Look, my sanity has a pretty hefty price tag." But what your court order says, this is one of the easy things to take back for contempt because it's data. It's a formula. It's math. You owe me this. It's not in my bank account, and it's not there.
So it's very easy to see. It says you owed me half of this. It says you owed me a proportional percentage breakdown. It said that you should make me pay or that I have to help you pay. Where's the money? Where's the money? You didn't pay me back. It's a huge problem if your parenting plan doesn't list the specifics outside of child support.
Don't Come for Me: The "Give Me the Child and I'll Pay" Bullshit
And here's the number one argument. So don't even come for me. Don't even waste your breath or your finger space of typing this: "Give me the child more and I'll pay for it."
Listen to what you just said. "Give me the child and I will pay." So it's never really been about what the child needs or wants. It's just been about winning. It's just been about getting more time. It's just about taking the child. Because if your child really needed these things, you would help. But it's a game. It's a proposition of "I wanna beat you since you beat me" for whatever reason the judge saw it that way. But this whole like, "Well just give me the child and I'll pay." I beg to differ.
Because here's what I've realized. People that complain about how much children cost have probably never been in the trenches to see how much kids really do cost. Because all those little checks that got sent out on the $4 here and the 20 there and the new socks and the birthday presents and all the little shit that's behind the scenes, one parent has been oblivious to all that stuff.
And so when, and if you do get the child, or you're awarded the child, most of the time that child will still go without all those little small idiosyncrasies that happen because you're oblivious to how much it takes to function as a parent for a child. You have no clue how much money it really takes.
So everybody complaining about child support, you really have no idea how much goes into day-to-day functions. And again, I'm not saying it's all one person's responsibility, but for anybody that does pay child support, you think that covers everything. It doesn't because of these one-time expenses that can pop off.
Now I'm just gonna quote Larrys all over the world. Larry again, is a lawyer that is going to help you lose. Larry's going to say, "Child support will cover that. Child support will cover that. No, you can't ask for anything outside of child support. Just be grateful you're getting child support. Be grateful I'm getting child support."
Okay? While I am—that child support is supposed to be helping me raise the child. But what about all these extra expenses? Some of you're divorcing with a 4-year-old. You have no idea how expensive junior high and high school is. Just you wait. Just you wait. Prom dresses, all the things. Let's talk cars. Let's talk cell phones. It's insane. It's insane.
But it doesn't mean every expense needs to be split with a high conflict person. If you know, you know. Sometimes you're better off asking your grandma to give you a hundred bucks towards those shoes versus go ask somebody else for basketball shoes. But these are the things you gotta start thinking about. But these are the things that need to be included. You have to be able to know that your parenting plan works for your financial future as well. And I ain't mad about saying that out loud.
Seriously, Why Does It All Fall on Me?
Why does it fall on me? Why? Because my kid came to me and said, "Hey, I wanna join the basketball team. Can I, can I get some new shoes? Tryouts are in two weeks." Okay, well, we're already paycheck to paycheck. In my mind, I'm having this conversation: where are we gonna get money for basketball shoes? But I really want them to be able to do basketball. But we don't have $120 for a pair of basketball shoes. And that's probably really underestimating where the world is right now.
Why is it only on me to provide those basketball shoes? That kid isn't playing basketball in my driveway. He's playing basketball for the junior high team or for the high school team. It's a third party location. Why is it only on me to provide those shoes? Why is it only on me to get the warmup that the team requires? Why is it only on me to put down the $20 so they can all go out and get Gatorades after the game when I have my rotation? Why is it only on one parent?
I'll tell you why. Because you are the primary parent you were when you're married. That job's not gonna change. It's just that now you're dealing with another child in the corner who actually has a driver's license and a high school diploma and hates your guts. That's all that's different.
And now you're fighting about money constantly because you're arguing with somebody who's never been in the trenches of really knowing how much it costs to raise children. They never saw you buy all the socks. They never saw how much you spent on Christmas. They've never seen what a birthday party takes and all the effort and all the work and all the planning and all the costs. They've never seen what it's like for you to go to the 18 birthday parties over the summer. They've never seen what it's like to buy a new pick for their flute and all these things. They don't know. They don't know what it's like to rent tap shoes. They've never seen the price tag on anything because you've been doing it the whole marriage.
But now they're in a peanut gallery telling you that you're wrong. You're wrong. And you're spending and you're spending. And "No" to that. "No" to that, "No" to that. And they'll think you're crazy because you're spending so much money. But this is what it costs to raise children.
So when you're building this parenting plan and you're going to mediation, you better bet your bottom dollar that you're putting some detail in around this. Because if not, just prepare to pay for it all yourself. And for some of you listening, I'll just be honest, you will pay for it all yourself. You will pay for all of it yourself because it's just easier. But you also probably have an ex that will never help you pay, that will never help you pay, and so you're gonna have to figure it out anyways.
Stop Bitching and Find a Solution
But you're over here complaining. "I don't receive anything. I don't receive anything." Yeah, you don't. Let's move on. Let's move on. I mean, I see so many people complain. "So-and-so's not paying child support." Okay, you've been saying that for a year. Established, noted. I got you. What are you doing to problem solve it?
They've shown you who they are. They're not paying. So let's move on and let's find a solution. Are we getting a second job? Are we creating a business at home? Are we having grandpa help us out? Are we moving somebody in to cut down on rent? What are we doing to solve the problem? They're not paying. Figure it out.
I get heated about this because in the process of you complaining that they're not paying and not helping, your kids are going without opportunities. Your kids are feeling less than. Your kids are feeling like, "Oh, mom's stretched. Oh, dad doesn't have any money. I can't ask them. I'm gonna have to tiptoe around them."
How do I know this? Because I did this to my own kids. I did this to my kids when they were younger, and it's a horrible money foundational issue that you should not do. Your kids should not feel how stressed out you are about money. We were tight, tight, and there wasn't a lot of extra.
I was cleaning bathrooms at the gymnastics location to get a discounted price on his gymnastics lesson because it's what he needed to be doing. My ex thought it was dumb. "Boys don't do gymnastics." Hmm. Okay. Well, he's good at it. Really good at it. You find ways to pay for it. But sitting and complaining, going, "Well, Walker, we can't do it because your dad won't help me pay"—don't do that.
Don't put that on your kids. Go find a way. Go find a way to make it happen if it's truly important. If not, then you just say, "Kiddo, not this year. Maybe next." That's it. And we move on.
But we gotta be thinking about what are we really doing? Yeah, child support's great. It may stop tomorrow if your ex gets hit by a truck. You got a plan? Do you know how to live without the child support? Can you live without the child support? You better be able to because nobody's promised tomorrow.
But when you're building that parenting plan, you best bet that you are going to need money besides child support for extracurricular things, medical things, educational things. These kids only get more expensive. Daycare is expensive. Wait till high school. Wait till these kids are grown. Sweatshirts are a hundred dollars. Shoes are $200. Cell phones are $1,500. You think daycare is expensive? I'd go back to that in a heartbeat over car payments, insurance, braces, and everything else.
You gotta start planning for that. What's the plan? Right? But write that parenting plan accordingly. That way it's easy proven contempt when they don't pay. It clearly says you are supposed to pay for X, Y, and Z by this date. But if it doesn't have it clear, they'll shake their finger at you and say, "Try better next time."
Don't let that happen to you.
