“Keep It Loosey Goosey”? Why That Advice Will Ruin Your Parenting Plan
Jun 02, 2026Your lawyer isn't protecting your ass. They're protecting their next damn retainer.
A client just emailed me telling me her attorney said to keep her parenting plan "loosey goosey." That was the actual phrase he used. Loosey. Goosey. I almost lost my shit. Because that one piece of advice is exactly why so many of you are still in court three years after your divorce was supposed to be done. That one piece of advice is exactly why you've burned six figures on the same fight over and over. That one piece of advice is exactly why your high conflict ex still controls your damn life.
In this episode I am ripping into the lawyers who keep handing out vague parenting plans like they're doing their clients a favor. They're not. They're handing you a future court date wrapped in legalese. And here's the kicker. They KNOW. They know exactly what they're doing because the same loosey goosey plan that doesn't say when your parenting time starts and ends? Their billing contract is detailed down to the damn comma. You'll get sued in 30 days if you don't pay your bill on time. But your Christmas Eve schedule can stay flexible. Make that make sense.
I'm calling out every reason these attorneys push vague plans. They've never used one. They've never lived high conflict. They've never had to sit there with a Tuesday Christmas and no clue whose day it is. They've never had to wonder if they can take their kid to a damn doctor without their ex's permission. They don't know your ex. They don't know your reality. And yet they're standing there telling you what's best for the next 16 years of your life. The audacity.
Plus, I get into the speech every judge gives that sounds beautiful and means jack shit. The whole "you'll figure it out, you'll cooperate, you'll do what's best for the kids" routine. That's a fairy tale. Cooperation requires two people. And the parent listening to that speech? Already knows the other one is incapable.
If you have been told to keep it loose. To trust the process. To wait until the ink dries because you'll get along eventually. Stop. Listen to this episode. Then go demand a parenting plan that actually protects your ass.
Get the Parenting Plan Playbook Masterclass — because “loosey goosey” is just a future court date your lawyer gets paid for.
Here’s What You Can Actually Take Away:
- Loosey Goosey Is Future Conflict On Paper - Vague language is not a contract, it's an open invitation for your high conflict ex to interpret it however they want.
- Your Lawyer Has Never Used The Plan They Sold You - Most attorneys handing out parenting plans have never lived high conflict and have no idea how unenforceable their templates are in real life.
- Vagueness Creates Disputes And Disputes Create Bills - The same lawyer who tells you not to worry about details is the one cashing your retainer when those details blow up.
- Cooperation Requires Two People - Every judge speech about "putting differences aside" assumes both parents are capable, and that's not your reality.
- Your Attorney's Billing Contract Is Detailed As Hell - If they can write a 30-day payment clause for themselves, they can write a clause for who has Christmas Eve.
- You Don't Get Along, You Wouldn't Need A Plan - The fact that you need a parenting plan is proof you can't keep it loose.
- Stay In Your Lane, Larry - Knowing the law is not the same as understanding high conflict, and pretending it is has cost real families six figures.
- Detailed Plans Save You Decades - Eight extra clauses today saves you eight more trips to court over the next decade.
The Truth Bombs
- "Loosey goosey is not a plan. That's not a contract. That's future conflict written on paper."
- "Your attorney's billing contract is detailed down to the damn comma. Yours should be too."
- "Vagueness creates disputes. Disputes pay your lawyer. Connect the dots."
- "If we got along well enough to keep it loose, we wouldn't need a parenting plan in the first place."
- "Stay in your lane, Larry. Knowing the law is not the same as living high conflict."
- "My ex would come for me for crossing the street with the wrong socks on. And you think a loose plan helps me?"
- "The same parenting plan that's been kicked out of that office for 20 years is the same one filling your court dockets today."
- "Every judge speech about cooperation assumes two willing adults. There's always one parent who is incapable. Always."
PURCHASE your own custom plan here:
About to sign something you don't understand? Walking into mediation empty-handed? I can help.
Custom Parenting Plan — I'll write your plan. Built for your kids, your schedule, your high-conflict ex. Not a template. A plan that protects your time for the next 18 years.
The Parenting Plan Masterclass — Learn what strong parenting plans actually look like before you sign anything. I'll walk you through decision making, parenting time, holidays, communication boundaries, and how to prepare for mediation so you know exactly what to ask for and what garbage language to avoid.
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Samantha Boss: So this episode is coming to you because I literally just had one of my clients who purchased my parenting plan write me and say, and I quote, "Why would you want so many details in your parenting plan? Let's just keep it loosey goosey." Now, I don't know how many years of law school her attorney went to, but I would love to know what book and chapter they got the terminology loosey goosey out of.
This is one of the worst pieces of advice I have heard in a long time. And it comes up sporadically as I'm helping people build their custom parenting plans. We provide a detailed parenting plan that covers all said things, but yet these attorneys are saying, "No, no, no. I know divorce better."
Lawyers Don't Actually Use The Plans They Sell You
Now, do they know family law better than me? Maybe. Probably. Do they know custody and co-parenting and living this and actually using the practical piece of paper that they're handing us, the parenting plan? No. Most of these attorneys have not used the parenting plan that they are pushing out.
So while they're standing there saying, "I know best," they are not the ones using these loosey-goosey plans because they're vague and they're undefined. When you can't look at it and know exactly when your time starts and stops, that's a problem. These loosey-goosey plans are open for interpretation.
I don't know if you know anything about your ex like I know about mine, but we think differently. Here's a shocker. I think this, he thinks that. Hence, why we're not married anymore. It's a constant back and forth when you keep it loose.
Vagueness Creates Future Conflict On Paper
That's not a plan. That's not a contract. That's future conflict written on paper.
That's what loosey-goosey means. And I wish attorneys would just say what it is. I would have more respect for Larry the lawyer if he would just say, "You know what, Sam? I want to keep this really loosey-goosey because I want you to have more disputes because I want you to hire me back."
I would have more respect for Larry. I'd be like, "Atta boy. Say what you really mean, bud." If you just say the truth. You want me to have disputes so that you get paid again in two years, in three years, in six months.
Vagueness creates disputes. Between my ex and I, when we can't figure it out, we have to call. Ring ring, hey Larry. Back in action with you. Oh, you need another five to ten thousand dollar retainer? Sure, no problem. Loosey-goosey only benefits you financially.
They Don't Know What This Life Is Like
You know what else I wish they'd say? They just really don't live this life, so they really just don't know. Because that has to be one of the only reasons they would be giving me a loosey-goosey plan, is if they really just don't know what this life is like.
I'd rather them just say that. "Hey, Sam, we really don't know how strict it needs to be, so we're just gonna go with loosey-goosey. We don't know how much detail would really help you. We don't live this life." Just say that. Don't lead me down the road to believe that you know exactly what this is gonna be like for me.
How do you know what this is gonna be like? You don't even have children, number one, so you've never even been divorced with children. You don't know what high conflict is like. You don't live this life. The only thing you do live is people calling you back to say the plan you gave them the first time fucked them over and they need a different plan.
Now make that make sense real quick. Those of you listening that have been divorced for more than five seconds, you got a plan from your attorney. It's terrible. It's causing you to fight and argue and you call them back to help you. Why are you calling the person back that put you in that spot to begin with? We're not hiring the same person back to fix the fuckery that they created with this loosey-goosey bullshit.
This Has Cost Me Six Figures
I know there's a lot of cussing in this episode, but here's the deal. This is my pissed off level. Because this right here is what's cost me six figures before.
This is what's killing my clients left and right is having to make their attorney understand why they want detail. I want detail because I hate the motherfucker. He hates me. We don't get along. We have children together. We have 12 more years left.
I want to know who has Christmas. I want to know if I can make a decision without having to pray to Jesus that he'll answer the phone. I want to know if I can enroll the kids. I want to know if my kid has a rash, am I allowed to take them to the doctor or do I have to wait for their permission? I want to know the answer to these very simple day-to-day things, Larry. But you've never lived this life.
When Larry makes comments like, "Don't worry, when the ink dries you guys will get along." Bullshit. And if we do, Larry, you know where that plan's gonna go? Up on a shelf and we'll never need to read it anyways. So why not be up on the shelf with a ton of detail? Instead of when we pull it down, it's like, "Oh, well, that's not even included."
They Don't Understand High Conflict
Here's another thing I wish attorneys would just own. You don't know high conflict. You present that you do. You advertise that you do. You sell it in the consult. But you have no clue what it's like to deal with a high conflict person.
You have no idea what it's really like to try to co-parent with someone that truly, not figuratively, hates your guts. These attorneys play it off. "Oh, it's a season. Oh, it's just a bad time. Oh, it'll get better." No, it won't. Not for a lot of us. The cooperation will never happen. The flexibility will never happen.
These attorneys come across like, "Don't worry, I know it's going to get better for you." What you know is that I'm a good person and I'm going to reduce conflict as much as humanly possible, which means I'm going to bend more than Gumby to make sure this doesn't mess up my kids. And your attorney knows that about you.
I wish they'd just say, "I really don't understand high conflict. I don't know how to present it to the judge without sounding crazy. And I sure as hell don't know how to write a parenting plan to help you." Be honest that you just don't know how to fix the fuckery of my problem.
Some Lawyers Are Just Stubborn
The other reason some attorneys may want you to keep it loosey-goosey is they're just stubborn and they're used to kicking out the same parenting plan they've always kicked out. They're not up for change. They don't want to use something different. They don't want to talk a judge into something different. Their ego's so large that they can't even get it in the door.
Cooperation Takes Two People
I watched the Mormon Wives custody dispute and the judge's order. He gave them both protective orders, but the speech he gave was what every judge hopes for. That everybody will grow up. Everybody will realize they're in each other's lives forever. Everybody will do what's best for the kid's interest.
I love that he said all those things. But none of that is measurable. None of that can be proven. And what judges and lawyers don't understand is some people are just incapable.
There's always one parent who can put it aside. It's the other parent who comes unglued about the littlest two biggest thing that loses their mind. They are physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically incapable of getting along with you.
So while those are great speeches by judges and lawyers about putting differences aside and getting along, that takes two people. It's really frustrating that people write parenting plans based on the theory that we will just get along. We won't.
Your Lawyer's Billing Contract Is Detailed As Hell
Here's the kicker. The same attorney that gave you a vague parenting plan gave you a contract that says how much you owe them, when it's due, and what will happen if you don't pay.
It doesn't say, "Hey, Sam, pay what you can, pay when you can, and you know, it'll work out." Is that the contract you and your attorney have? Loosey goosey, pay when you want? Hell no, it doesn't. My attorney sued me within 30 days because I didn't pay my bill fast enough.
That was a contract I signed because it had details. So our attorneys have no problem giving us a clear contract with rules, regulations, details, and timestamps. But when it comes to a plan that has to last for 16, 17, nine years, they want it to be loosey goosey. Make that make sense.
Loosey Goosey Has Already Failed You
The whole time you've been getting divorced, you haven't had a plan and you've been loosey goosey because there's no plan. And how's that worked out? Six figures in fees. 32 trips to court. Nothing resolved. Loosey goosey has already proven itself to not work.
That's evidence. Timestamp that. I'm so over these attorneys getting away with talking you into vagueness.
What You Actually Want In A Plan
We need a contract. When does your time start and when does it end? Clear, measurable, enforceable. Not vague. That's not a contract. That's words on paper, which is what a lot of you get handed.
I want to know when my time starts, when it ends. I need to know what I'm allowed to do, what I'm not allowed to do. And I will stay in my lane and I will follow and I won't be in contempt. But I can't handle loosey goosey because that means I have to engage with that person, and that person will control me forever.
Get it together, attorneys. We're onto you. The gig's up. Loosey goosey is out. Details in. Get with it.
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