"We'll just fix it later."

That's the lie everyone believes when they sign a shitty parenting plan. Bullshit. Courts don't work that way.

Once the plan is signed, you're stuck unless you can prove a "material and substantial change in circumstances." And guess what? Two hours late every Sunday for two years? Not substantial enough.

Episode 5 breaks down why modification is almost impossible, and why you get ONE SHOT at getting this right.

The dangerous assumption: Parents think if something doesn't work, they can just go back and change it. Wrong. The bar for modification is SO high, most violations don't qualify.

The garbage modification clauses:

• "Court shall not modify absent material change in circumstance" (What's "material"? Nobody defines it)
• "Change must be substantial and continuing in nature" (How substantial? How long? Judge decides, after you've paid thousands)
• "Party seeking modification bears burden of proving" (You prove it. With facts, pictures, data. Not feelings)

Real example:
Client documented violations for six months. Judge: "Come back at 18 months."

She did. Ex had been squeaky clean for six weeks before court. Judge: "Why are we even here? He's improving."

Why contempt is a joke:
You document for months. File contempt. They behave for six weeks before court. You look crazy. They look improved.

You spent thousands for: "Don't do that again, sir."

Three weeks later? Back to violating. No consequences. No penalties.

Courts favor stability over safety:
Kids passing school despite chaos? No modification. Courts say "doing okay" = not bad enough to change.

What actually protects you:
Built-in consequences, automatic penalties, review periods, defined modification triggers, all written into the plan UPFRONT.

Without these? You're stuck for 18 years with whatever garbage Larry wrote.

The reality:
You don't get a do-over. You don't get to "fix it later." You get ONE shot. Make it count.

Don't count on modification to save you.

The Parenting Plan Masterclass teaches you how to build protection INTO the plan from day one: automatic consequences for violations, built-in review periods every 2 years, clear modification triggers (relocation, job change, remarriage)—so you never have to prove "material and substantial change" to a skeptical judge.

Get it right the first time: Parenting Plan Masterclass

One shot. Make it count.

Here’s What You Can Actually Take Away:

• "We'll fix it later" is a dangerous lie — Courts require "material and substantial change" to modify plans. That bar is ridiculously high. You don't get do-overs.
• "Material and substantial" is intentionally vague — What's substantial? Three times? Six? A year of violations? Nobody defines it. Judges decide case by case, usually against you.
• "Continuing in nature" means ongoing pattern — One violation isn't enough. Six months of documentation? Judge says "come back at 18." You're constantly proving instead of parenting.
• Burden of proof is on YOU — You have to prove with facts, pictures, data—not feelings. "I think they're talking shit to the kids" = worthless without proof.
• Contempt is a joke — You document for months. File contempt. They behave for six weeks before court. Judge: "Why are we here? They're improving." You spent thousands for a finger shake.
• Courts favor stability over safety — Kids passing school despite chaos? Modification denied. Courts interpret "doing okay" as "not bad enough to change."
• High-conflict exes game the system — They violate for months. You file. They become squeaky clean before court. Then you look crazy. Then they go right back to violating.
• You get ONE SHOT — Write the plan right the first time with built-in consequences, automatic penalties, review periods, and defined modification triggers. Don't count on fixing it later.

The Truth Bombs

• "Parents assume they can just fix any parenting plan later. 'We'll just go back and change it.' No. It's not that simple. Courts don't work that way."
• "'Material and substantial change'—what the fuck does that even mean? Is three times enough? Six? Once a week? It's not measurable. And if you can't measure it, you can't enforce it."
• "Client documented violations for six months. Judge said 'come back at 18 months.' She did. Ex had been squeaky clean for six weeks before court. Judge: 'Why are we even here?'"
• "Contempt is a joke. You spend thousands for a finger shake. 'Don't do that again, sir.' Three weeks later? They're back to violating. No consequences. No penalties. Just document it."
• "Two hours late every Sunday for two years? Judge: 'But aren't the kids thriving at school?' Yes, but I'm missing two hours. 'Not substantial enough.'"
• "Courts favor stability over safety. Kids doing okay in school despite chaos? That's 'stable.' You want to change it? Prove it's harming them. Good luck."
• "High-conflict people violate for months, then become squeaky clean before court. You look crazy. They look improved. Then they go right back to it."
• "You get ONE SHOT at this. Write it right the first time. Built-in consequences, automatic penalties, clear triggers. Don't count on 'fixing it later.'"

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This podcast exists because way too many parents are slogging through divorce quietly and thinking they are the only ones dealing with this mess. You can share your story, ask real questions, or send in topics you want broken down without the fluff. Stories can be shared anonymously, and no, this is not legal advice, but honest conversations are where clarity actually starts.

Samantha Boss: All right. The clause that makes your parenting plan almost impossible to fix. My name is Sam. I write parenting plans. Like that's what I do. Right. And I think it's so valuable to understand that it can be written by my team even, but not be a hundred percent. And there needs to be clauses in your parenting plan for when it's not written a hundred percent.

Because maybe things change, maybe something happened, maybe somebody moved. You need to be able to have wording that tells you next steps. But parents assume that they can just fix any parenting plan later, right? Well, if, if we forgot that paragraph, we'll just go and fix it. if we realize we don't like that, we'll just go change it.

No, it's not that simple. Courts don't work that way. Once the plan is signed, it's signed and there's no like, eh, you know, we went through a year of holidays and we don't like that schedule. We wanna change that. Judge, can you just change the times instead of two o'clock, we wanna do 8:00 AM the next day.

But most people don't realize the parenting plan was written so poorly until months or weeks later. Again, when they go to use it and they're like, whoa, wait a second. This is bad. This doesn't work for my kids. This doesn't work for us. But parents believe that fairness. Matters more than the paperwork, right?

So like when attorneys and judges and everybody and mediators are making these parenting plans, these standard plans, they're making it to where it's fair, but yet it's not gonna be fair because there's a high conflict person involved or somebody that just doesn't feel the same way anymore and there's nothing in there that helps us understand what happens when we have conflict or things aren't fair, or it's not written clearly.

This whole concept. I hear this all the time from people that I help with divorce. Well, I'll just go back and fix that later. Yeah, I only have a 2-year-old, so I'll just put that in there later. I'll just go back later. A what? Do you know how this works? Literally, let's spell this out real quick. If you get divorced when your child is two and you only build a parenting plan for daycare.

I can tell you with about 98% accuracy that you are gonna argue about what preschool, if you have a high conflict situation. So when she literally turns three the following year and you wanna put her in preschool, God forbid even four, hell, let's even talk about kindergarten and you wanna put her in kindergarten.

You think that's gonna be an easy topic? That's just gonna be a let's get together. Let's work this out. But when you have a parenting plan that's only written for the age your child is right now, you have no choice but to go back and modify that plan. Now, when you wrote that child for the only age of two, what did it say were next steps on how to go back?

The “Material Change” Trap

I got a few clauses that it might say. So let's dive into those shitty clauses that parenting plans made by Larry's that are standard language. Let's break 'em down about how bad they suck. First and foremost, these are just common clauses that you will see all the time. All right. A court shall not modify this parenting plan absent a material change in circumstance, period.

So if you go to court and you say, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You didn't write down clear holiday times? Well, the court can't change it unless there's been a change of circumstance. What do you mean court? You gave us a really vague parenting plan. You did not put times, you put the both parties. Thou shall share holidays and split them reasonably.

We can't do that. So tell us what to do. Oh, well we can't change it. 'cause there hasn't been a change of circumstance. Now again, there's no legal help here today. I'm not an attorney. I'm not your attorney. I'm not an like, I'm not even an attorney. I'm a mediator, certified trained. What I want you to do is to make sure, a couple things.

Number one, you already have your holidays, which we've talked about in other episodes, but that you have a list of what is a change in circumstance? Is it that somebody moved? Is it that somebody married and changed jobs? That could be a whole one itself changing jobs, or God forbid there's a change in the children's behavior or wellbeing, which you would have to have medically proven because you know, hearsay and high conflict, people hate that.

“Substantial and Continuing” Means Nothing

You think the children are struggling. They think the children are doing fine. Next one, any material change must be substantial and continuing in nature. Directly impact the best chil best interest of the children. So not only does it need to be a substantial, like it needs to be some, a bomb needs to like happen, whoa.

It's a big deal and it needs to continue. It can't just happen once, can't just happen once, has to be continuing in nature to directly impact the best interest of the child. So again, such vagueness. Continuing is one time. Obviously that doesn't mean that it has to continue. Okay? So once a week. Twice a month, six times a year continues to happen every holiday.

There's only six holidays I get, but all six, they end up fucking 'em up. But is that enough? Is that substantial? Again, how is substantial fucking measurable? It's not. How is continuing? Measurable? It's not. So we have these sins in here that I can't measure anything against. 'cause if I say tomato, they say tomato.

If I say three times is too many, they say, oh, not till 10. Okay, then fucking put 10 in here. I've literally had a case with a client who went to court over something that continued to happen. Continued to happen. She documented. She documented, she proved it, and the judge said, well, you know, you've only been documenting like the last six months, so once you get a year and a half come back.

So then why didn't you put that in there? Why did I just pay a lawyer to represent me? Prep me, come with me. We're talking thousands of dollars just to be sitting at that table at that point. For you to just say, Hmm. I think it needs a little more salt for you to just say, Hmm, I think this case needs a little 18 months of, documentation.

Contempt Theater + No Real Consequences

But in the meantime, sir, shake my finger at you. Please stop doing that. I'm getting frustrated again, and I know you are too. All of these subjects are just so triggering and bothersome of like, I think those of us that have dealt with high conflict, we see it so clearly. Just don't be an asshole and follow the rules.

But you have to have rules to follow. And so if your parenting plan doesn't say, you can change and modify it and work together to do that, or go to a mediator and do that, you're screwed. So let's go over the last one. The party seeking modification bears the burden of proving a material and of substantial change in circumstance.

This sounds kind of good, except for we have those same words again. That substantial is not, what is that? What is the definition of that? You know, measurable. But the thing is, is bears the burden of proving. Doesn't say burden of cost. Doesn't say I have to pay. Right? So this is just a blank statement, but it doesn't say specifics.

So when I'm sitting in my, my case and I've, I've been trying to co-parent. We've been divorced for let's say two years in this hypothetical, and I'm like, man, this just keeps happening. It keeps happening. I'm like, I need to go back and modify this 'cause I'm sick of them coming and bringing the kids back two hours late every Sunday.

It's been happening for years and I'm over it. I want the two hours back. This is insane. And I have to go, not only improve, okay, maybe I prove that it's happening continually, but. Does it have an impact on the children by bringing them home two hours late? And here's what judges and and lawyers will tell you, but aren't the kids thriving at school?

Aren't the kids doing well? Aren't the kids, you know, okay. And you're like, yes, but I'm missing out on two hours every Sunday. That's mine. And they just bring them back late and this is ridiculous. So these words around modification, especially if you are divorcing someone who is high conflict or has the potential or the person they're gonna start dating is high conflict, third party rule.

You have to have specifics in here of how can we make sure we need to be able to enforce or modify this thing. It's gotta be able to be enforceable. It's gotta be able to have consequences. It's gotta be able to clearly say we go to court for that. That is violation, that is contempt instead of this.

Well, I mean, is it, is it really continuing? I that one Sunday, I brought him back on time. That one Sunday. You did? I actually brought her back an hour early. So you can't say it was every Sunday. Substantial. I mean, it's not that big a deal. Two hours. Okay. Only do it for an hour from now on, right? So the plan lists the rules, vagueness these clauses, but no consequences.

No, like immediate. Hey, if you bring 'em back late, you lose time. Boy, wouldn't that be fucking great? There's no automatic responses to the violation. It's all this it, Sam, Sam. Just document it, okay? Keep track of it. Keep your Excel sheet, you know, open at all times on your computer and your phone and just keep documenting your life away.

All for me to take you, you know, back to court with you as the attorney. And they're gonna get their finger shaking at them and say, don't do that again. Now, I'm not saying, I know I'm a Debbie Downer right now about the family court system, but I think I have good cause. Some things are contempt and some things are easily enforceable and some things are easy modifiable.

You know, I've seen parents lose their rights. I've seen parents get their rights taken away. I've seen parents lose their custody time, but I can tell you those exact stories 'cause they're on one hand and I've been doing this 10 years. What I can do is tell you all the times that I've had clients go back to court for modifications and contempt charges, and they get the finger shake.

Don't do that again. You need to try harder. Show up for your children, do better next time. And it's like, do better. Are you like, look, all the evidence I brought you, look at all the documentation I brought you. Vague consequences may seek court intervention. Okay? But then when you go to court, in most states, they just order you to go to mediation.

Okay, so I'm gonna go to some soft spoken mediator, which some of them are attorneys. Love that for you. some are, therapists. Okay. Whatever. Do your research on your mediator know what kind of medical or what kind of educational background they have. That's a little tip there. May seek, doesn't say the court will, it just says they may seek court intervention.

You may be denied by the court. I've seen people file a contempt in court, uh, against their ex and the judge. No, not worthy enough. Not worthy enough. Not worthy enough, not worthy. Over and over again. There's no penalties. There's no escalation. It's just documented. Sam, document it. Well, you know when you have enough.

But like I said, I had the one client came back in six months and the judge was like, Hmm, let's let it go for 18. When he keeps doing this for 18 months, then I will punish him. Fast forward. Spoiler alert, no punishment happened. Why? Because high conflict people do what? When you threaten or file contempt, what do they do?

They become squeaky fucking clean rule followers, and then you look like an idiot when your court date happens. I'll give you an example. You file contempt 'cause your ex is always late by an hour, an hour, an hour, six months. You get sick of it, you file contempt. Soon as you file contempt, you get a court date.

That's six weeks out in those six weeks. But time you file to your court date, your ex brings those kids back every fucking time on time. And then when you stand in front of the judge and you say, Hey, for six months that person was late for over an hour, they stand up and go, but I've been on time for six weeks.

All she had to do was tell me it bothered her, and I would've been dropping them off on time. Judge, I have emails saying that I, it did bother me. Yeah, but I didn't know you were that serious. I can't believe we couldn't have figured this out on our own. Do you hear the violins playing in the background?

Do you hear 'em? Because I do, because that's what high conflict people are like in court. Oh, I didn't know. I didn't know and I didn't understand that was such a big deal. Oh, I'll just bring 'em back and they will for another two weeks after court. And then what starts happening? 45 minutes and we're back to an hour by the third fucking visit.

But again, if you file contempt the same process, they'll go squeaky clean for a few weeks, and then you'll look like a crazy person in court that you're making shit up or that they've improved. And why are we even here? I've had judges say that. Why are we even here? You filed contempt, that they're always late.

I see paperwork that they've been bringing on time. Uh, well, of course. So I have to spend money with my attorney to file contempt every time I want them to behave. What? It's so ridiculous. Contempt. I'm sorry. My own personal opinion, not legal advice. Here is a joke. Unless you have severe cases with severe evidence, that's substantial.

Again, love that word. Right? What does that mean? Picture worthy documentation. Worthy scientific data. Not opinions, not feelings, not thoughts and theologies fucking facts. Fucking pictures. That's the only thing that sticks. You going up and being like, I feel. Like they're an asshole to the kids. I feel like they're talking shit about me.

I feel it. None of that. Why? Why are you go throw money outside and light it on fire? It'll be a better surprise of what happens than going to court and just saying stuff like that. Stop taking your feelings to court. Take your facts to court. Yeah. I know your ex is talking shit about your kids. I know that they're high conflict.

They have no friends. They have no filter, they have no ability to monitor themselves, so they're spewing all kinds of shit to your young, single digit children. I know they're doing it. You're doing it. But when you go to court and say, Hey, I really feel like they're oversharing to the children and, and talking about a adult context to the children, and I want it to stop, that judge will be like, first off, that judge will be like, there's no way someone would talk like that in front of your children.

You're like, sure. Shit. Fucking as the day is long. Absolutely. They are. There's just this thing where judges don't believe there's parents out there that are this fucking dumb and brutal to their children, but they are. And then we're filing contempt on it. Please make them stop. That never fucking works because they get the sir in this case, stop talking about your case to your children.

That's bad. Okay. I wasn't, but if she thinks I am. Okay. And then kids come home three weeks later, Hey, dad said you owe him money, blah, blah, blah. He said this about the case. He said, you're doing this and the judge hated you, and the judge said you were wrong and the judge, da da da. And you're like. Oh my gosh.

So inside the next chapter, it's a monthly membership we run for women. Sorry guys, but we tried it for guys and nobody bought. we talk about workarounds. When you have an ex like this that keeps doing things like this to your children, we coach workarounds, but let's keep it up, keep it going. When it comes to these clauses, read again, how can I enforce and punish with this?

The Only Thing That Saves You Is This

Right? So read the plan. Assuming there will be conflict, there just will be conflict. Okay? Read it that way. Ask what happens. If they don't comply, does it say what happens if they don't bring the kids back on time? Now, I'm, I posted a social media, slide about this the other day and I said this, and again, I'm just a rational common sense.

Si common sense kind of, girl, get words out and here's what I think. I think you bring those kids back late. You get 'em late. It's that fucking simple for me. You wanna bring them back late on a Sunday and keep 'em for two extra hours. Your Wednesday visit is supposed to start at four. It starts at six. Oh, I'm sorry, it ends at seven.

Shit outta luck. Bring the fucking kids back on time on Sunday and your Wednesday would be better. I'm about immediate consequence. Immediate. That's it. Because when we don't give immediate consequence and this draws out, that draw out period shows them we're complacent with it. We're okay with it. Then the court system's like, well, you let it go for six months.

Yeah, I needed fucking six months worth of documentation, 18 months. If I go over to this guy over here, we have to have clear definition in our wording so that we know when can we file contempt? What does it say? Six months of documentation, 18 months of documentation, approval data, scientific data. We wanna make sure it's, it's clearly written on how can I prove contempt?

Because if you can't prove it. I'm sorry. This is just my own 2 cents of doing this for so long and living this life myself. Going to a court system that's jaded and doesn't understand personality disorders and mental health and how fucking ruthless people can be with their children. You are getting nowhere but literally throwing money away again.

Go throw it in the front yard, light it on fire, and watch it go. It's faster, it's easier, less painful. Then going and going and asking a court system that's uneducated about what you're dealing with. They don't understand the dynamics of high conflict. They don't understand narcissism. They don't understand manipulation.

They don't understand that people could do this to their own fucking flesh and blood children. You're asking them for help. I mean, I did. It was a joke. It's why I spent six figures in the early two thousands, which would be probably 300,000 at this point in this decade. Find workarounds. How do you get your kids help?

How do you, how do you deal with the time management thing? I once had a mom, and again, if you know me, I'm gonna jump around a lot. So if that's not your personal way you like to listen, this isn't the podcast for you, but I had a mom that was just absolutely adamant about really sticking it to her ex 'cause he wasn't following the rules.

And she was like, Sam, he shows up late. On purpose because he knows I leave for work. And so he shows up late, which makes me late for work. And she's just like, this motherfucker, like he knows that I run a business, he knows I have people waiting for me. The door is not unlocked until I get there, yada, yada, yada, yada.

And she goes, I've been to court trying to get him to be on time. They keeps saying, just show up. And then he keeps failing and he is bringing our daughter back, you know, not on time, not on time, and I have to get to work, blah, blah, blah. And I take her to the daycare mode. And so I just looked at her and I said, have somebody at your house, they can take her.

Pay the money to have grandma nanny. I don't care who neighbor sitting there waiting for whenever he wants to gra you with his fucking presence with your kid back or to pick her up 'cause he is late picking her up and dropping her off. But you don't miss a dime at work. Or option two Second workaround.

Give somebody else the keys at at work. Somebody is now the fucking assistant manager and can open the doors. But when they know, when high conflict people know they can fuck with your day, consider it fucked. Consider if, if you show them what rattles you, they will rattle it every single day. It's who they are.

They can't help themselves. You are the kryptonite to them. They love the way it feels to see you in distress, to see you pissed off, to see you angry. Why? Because you give them attention. By doing so. I can't believe you do this to me. You're now, you made me late for work engagement. They don't care if it's positive or negative.

You're talking to them. That's engagement. They fucking love that. They love that they rattled you. They love that they got to you. They love that they've made you so upset. It's who they are. That's not who you are. You get upset when you've made somebody bothered. Right. If you made somebody late, can you believe you would feel bad for weeks?

Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I did not mean to make you late. I am so, so sorry. How can I make this up to you? I promised her now on, I'll be 10 minutes early. Oh God. Like are you okay? Did anything happen at your job? If so, I can call. I can write a letter. I can swing by. I'll lemme send flowers. They're like, oh, she's upset.

Noted. Next week, 35 minutes late instead of 30, this is who they are. And then we're in the driveway going, yeah, 35 minutes late. Thinks fucking a lot. Now I'm, and we are rattled and we explode. And then they go, ah, got her again. Damn. She's easy. If you don't pick up on this cycle and change your, you've gotta find workarounds, workarounds, workarounds.

Inside the next chapter, I literally give you every workaround I ever invented in dealing with high conflict because they don't fucking stop. They lay awake at night going, okay, how can I fuck up my co-parents day tomorrow? And again, this may sound extreme for some people listening, this is not the podcast for you, but those of you are the listening going, oh my God, this sounds exactly like my ex welcome.

You are amongst others dealing with the same crisis. Absolutely. So this kind of concludes our first five part series on. Parenting plan clauses that you just want to avoid. And again, I can't give you legal advice, but I can just tell you, don't let somebody pressure you into signing something that you know, just doesn't feel right.

It doesn't sit right in your stomach. It's just, it's questionable. You're like, and here's the other thing. Don't sign something that you don't even know what the words mean. I've read parenting plans. I've literally had to have a thesaurus next to me or chat open going, what does this even mean? And if I had to do that, do you think your ex is gonna take the time to do that?

Hell no. They're just gonna do what they want and play down and be like, oh, I didn't know that's what that meant. You have to write plans that can be enforced or easily read by a court system to enforce them. That's what I do. I educate, but I also write. But you have to understand this is your future with your kids.

So in this podcast, we are gonna break down the nitty, the gritty, the detail, the why is it like this. We're gonna tell stories, we're gonna interview. We're going to just dive into the family court system, and we're gonna tell the filthy, ugly truth with cuss words included. About scenarios and strategies and just overall common sense that we all should just be taking and applying to our everyday life.

So if you're in high conflict, welcome. I am here for you. Follow along, subscribe. Listen, I don't want you to go anywhere. I want you to get through this divorce with grace and dignity and also five extra dollars in your pocket that I can help save you on something. But I want you to get clarity that the court system is not built.

In favor of you. It's built to keep the industry going, making the money it can make, and along the way, you're gonna get bothered by it. And I want you to know that you're not alone and that I'm here to make sure that you have the strategies in place, that if something does happen, there's a workaround or there's strategy, or there's just, you know what it happened.

Let's face it. Head on and deal with it and move on.